From Screencraft 2023 Screenwriting Fellowship -
unedited feedback on screenplay

A criminal joins a Zen monastery with the intent to scam a wealthy family, but little does he know that he's off to a new path of spiritual awakening.

The themes you've explored in this script are nothing short of sublime, imbued as they are within the very fabric of the narrative. What I found particularly enthralling about this piece of writing was that it delves into dense and weighty subjects without ever resorting to preachiness. The film engages with the current political climate, social issues, economic disparity, inclusivity, and mental health in a manner that is at once nuanced and incisive. It is a beautifully crafted work of social commentary.

The plot of the film unfolds at a pleasingly measured pace, albeit with a slow-burn sensibility that only serves to heighten the impact of the events depicted. This film takes its time, savoring each morsel of wisdom that is imparted to our protagonist as they undergo a profound transformation.

The underlying structure of this script is rock-solid, with each character possessing a voice that is richly distinctive. For example, there is a certain calming quality to Etmanu's speech, as he carefully weighs each word before uttering it. In contrast, Christian's internal conflict is palpable in his more frenetic dialogue; he has a conflicted mind. These subtle nuances are not easily achieved and speak to the depth of the writing.

Furthermore, the script is elegantly structured, with a clear beginning, middle, and end that imbue the narrative with a sense of symmetry and balance. That being said, it could potentially be refined and condensed, with the page count reduced to 105.

In summary, this film strikes an exquisite balance between the cerebral artistry of festival cinema and the populist appeal of commercial cinema. It has the potential to attract the attention of both mini-major studios and streaming platforms, and with a little finesse in the scripting, it could be destined for great things.

Inclusion, restorative justice, and sports as a mind-focusing skill.

Many years ago I introduced racquetball to a young boy from the neighborhood when I was attending UMass Boston. The boy loved racquetball and at first mispronounced it as "rocketball". That stuck with me and 40 years later, I wrote that incident into the one of the scenes in act I.